I’ve 🐝 bee-n fighting for two years now. I have this « job » that I’ve been stuck with forever now. My inability to enjoy the little things of life is just another indication of my dereliction: hating the bitter man I’m becoming, seeing myself in people I despise, being unable to think, speak, create.
There’s no future for me here. No way out from my work. No time to dedicate to what I love. I read the introduction of Camus’ « L’homme Révolté » about absurdism in other to be something else than a consuming shitty human, and I don’t agree with most of the moral dilemmas: killing yourself is not the same as killing another person. I’m making a choice for myself and maybe, one of the limits of this argument is that I’m imposing my absence on others…
But who might miss me? My family & friends? It’s true, there are the ones that made me stay this long, but nothing is changing, and I need to help myself.
ಥ_ಥ, maybe see you tomorrow ?
Shits hard, so don’t blame yourself. You aren’t defective.
Suicide is also a bad idea and you are going to regret it if you find you’ve put yourself in an unstoppable position. This is evidenced by people who miraculously survive their attempts.
Be brave and seek help. There is zero shame in this, regardless of what the media or social conditioning might say.
There are groups of people that meet regularly for all sorts of reasons. Attend the meeting you can find that most closely relates to your problem. If you don’t know what or where that is, I recommend starting with Alcoholics Anonymous. Even if Alchohol is not your problem, they will not turn you away, are likely to listen to anything you have to say and will help you find the group that is right for you.
If the AA group you’ve found is full of unhelpful weirdos (some are) find another one.
Late stage capitalism is very unhealthy for a lot of reasons and suicide is on the rise.
It may look like it from where you are, but you are not alone.
Also, no matter how little you think you mean to anyone, it’s going to hurt them.
My friend killed himself back in 1991 and 33 years later, I still think about him at least once a week.
We used to share music so new stuff I hear, I think if he would have liked it. He was an incredible intelligent and astute person so I think about all the insights he might have shared with me.
Most of all, I’ve still no idea why he did it. The ‘daily’ issues he had going on were not insurmountable and despite conversations we had ranging all manner of subjects, there was no indication of him being troubled by deeper issues.
He got a lift into town with his stepdad to collect his bike, went to the top of a car park and jumped off.
No note. No indication. Nothing.