I’ve 🐝 bee-n fighting for two years now. I have this « job » that I’ve been stuck with forever now. My inability to enjoy the little things of life is just another indication of my dereliction: hating the bitter man I’m becoming, seeing myself in people I despise, being unable to think, speak, create.
There’s no future for me here. No way out from my work. No time to dedicate to what I love. I read the introduction of Camus’ « L’homme Révolté » about absurdism in other to be something else than a consuming shitty human, and I don’t agree with most of the moral dilemmas: killing yourself is not the same as killing another person. I’m making a choice for myself and maybe, one of the limits of this argument is that I’m imposing my absence on others…
But who might miss me? My family & friends? It’s true, there are the ones that made me stay this long, but nothing is changing, and I need to help myself.
ಥ_ಥ, maybe see you tomorrow ?
What an insightful comment. This kind of distinction between what is really going on, can help people suffering like OP.
@noctisatrae@beehaw.org, the suicidal thoughts are an indication you’re feeling stuck. Know there are always options, even if you don’t see them right now or are sure there aren’t any. Talk to people, like you’ve done here, and eventually you’ll find a new direction. Bringing it up here already is a great step, I’m impressed you’ve done that.