Oddly enough the older I get the more I feel like I’ve done it all.
I’m 36 years old. Society insists that by now I should be in the middle of a career. I’ve had three careers; I was let go as an auto mechanic during the 2008 recession, my job as a flight instructor ended due to problems internal to the company, let’s leave it at that, and the prototyping shop I was project manager of most recently folded during the pandemic. I’m loathe to start over again.
Society also insists that I should be a husband and father by now. I never wanted children, and both of my ex-fiancees are mostly why I am now a bachelor in my mid-30’s. I need an ex wife like I need a hole in my head and that’s all any attempt at starting a “family” would bring.
Meanwhile, I’ve driven across the United States from coast to coast, I’ve flown the length of the Appalachians solo, I’ve built houses, furniture, electronics, race cars, airplanes, all manner of ridiculous objects (I managed a prototyping shop, after all), I’ve played concerts, I have artwork hanging in a gallery, I’ve seen the aurora borealis, two solar eclipses, comet Hale Bopp and once with the help of an unnecessarily powerful and lightly loaded airplane, I took off at dusk and watched the sun rise in the west.
I survived two shootings, a riot, ten hurricanes, that goddamn tornado and a global pandemic.
And even among all that I still watched a lot of TV, saw a lot of movies and played a lot of video games. Accoutrements of old hobbies gather dust because I’ve…finished them.
As someone my mid 60’s, you’ve been around enough to have learned some things. Start thinking about what you will leave behind on the day you die. What is it that you can do to leave a mark on this world? It doesn’t need to be large and grandiose. Even if you only affect one person for the better, it’s a win.
I went from being a farmer to a toolmaker to a ME. And like you, I discovered that while I was accomplished in those fields, it meant very little in the grand scheme. So I became a volunteer firefighter, which lead to me eventuality becoming medic. When I became too old for that, I looked around and found a need in my local school for me to teach. I discovered community service was what I could leave a legacy in.
And when I do finally pass beyond this vale of tears, I will leave behind a legacy that will live on through the people I comforted though the worst moments of their lives. And also the hopeful seeds I have tried to plant in the future generation. It was never meant to be great or fancy. Just a few simple efforts for me to be satisfied with.
I am 50 years old. I thought by becoming a research engineer I could improve the world like others before me who created things like radio, indoor plumbing, and textile factories. I published over a hundred research papers, but I learned that no one reads research papers anymore, and publication has become a complete waste of time. I learned that politics and money trump engineering considerations 100% of the time, and that the sole purpose of technology now seems to draw money from investors’ wallets. I wanted to be a great teacher, but engineers are not paid to do that because it doesn’t make money, so now I just make open source projects that I hope can be used to be examples to learn from. But I don’t think I’ll be remembered, as it seems technology nowadays is largely used as a means of swindling people out of their money so they can buy stuff they don’t need and makes them miserable.
Meh, I want to leave nothing behind. Live like I die, and no one is allowed in on it. A death just for me.
I want to leave no mark. May my flesh rot and become the earth, may my bones crumble to dust and become fertilizer, may my grave be unmarked and unknown except for the plants that feed upon me.
Legacy is for the ego and mine doesn’t exist. The world is a mess and it doesn’t need me tugging futilely on the wisps of strings I can barely reach, hoping to unravel a knot that others keep tying.
I’m glad you found joy, I am tired of people, and have nothing left to share.
Man, fuck society’s outdated edicts - as long as you’re able to feed yourself, you’re doing amazing in my book.
What now? A lot of options still on the table, but here’s something to think about: one element of the whole fatherhood thing is passing down the knowledge you’ve gathered from all of this for your child’s benefit/enrichment. But you aren’t going to have kids, which is fine. So - are there any other means to share your knowledge/experience with the next generation? Preferably in meatspace?
Yeah the older I get the more shit I want to do, there surely isn’t enough time for it all.
Oddly enough the older I get the more I feel like I’ve done it all.
I’m 36 years old. Society insists that by now I should be in the middle of a career. I’ve had three careers; I was let go as an auto mechanic during the 2008 recession, my job as a flight instructor ended due to problems internal to the company, let’s leave it at that, and the prototyping shop I was project manager of most recently folded during the pandemic. I’m loathe to start over again.
Society also insists that I should be a husband and father by now. I never wanted children, and both of my ex-fiancees are mostly why I am now a bachelor in my mid-30’s. I need an ex wife like I need a hole in my head and that’s all any attempt at starting a “family” would bring.
Meanwhile, I’ve driven across the United States from coast to coast, I’ve flown the length of the Appalachians solo, I’ve built houses, furniture, electronics, race cars, airplanes, all manner of ridiculous objects (I managed a prototyping shop, after all), I’ve played concerts, I have artwork hanging in a gallery, I’ve seen the aurora borealis, two solar eclipses, comet Hale Bopp and once with the help of an unnecessarily powerful and lightly loaded airplane, I took off at dusk and watched the sun rise in the west.
I survived two shootings, a riot, ten hurricanes, that goddamn tornado and a global pandemic.
And even among all that I still watched a lot of TV, saw a lot of movies and played a lot of video games. Accoutrements of old hobbies gather dust because I’ve…finished them.
So what now?
As someone my mid 60’s, you’ve been around enough to have learned some things. Start thinking about what you will leave behind on the day you die. What is it that you can do to leave a mark on this world? It doesn’t need to be large and grandiose. Even if you only affect one person for the better, it’s a win.
I went from being a farmer to a toolmaker to a ME. And like you, I discovered that while I was accomplished in those fields, it meant very little in the grand scheme. So I became a volunteer firefighter, which lead to me eventuality becoming medic. When I became too old for that, I looked around and found a need in my local school for me to teach. I discovered community service was what I could leave a legacy in.
And when I do finally pass beyond this vale of tears, I will leave behind a legacy that will live on through the people I comforted though the worst moments of their lives. And also the hopeful seeds I have tried to plant in the future generation. It was never meant to be great or fancy. Just a few simple efforts for me to be satisfied with.
What will you leave behind?
I am 50 years old. I thought by becoming a research engineer I could improve the world like others before me who created things like radio, indoor plumbing, and textile factories. I published over a hundred research papers, but I learned that no one reads research papers anymore, and publication has become a complete waste of time. I learned that politics and money trump engineering considerations 100% of the time, and that the sole purpose of technology now seems to draw money from investors’ wallets. I wanted to be a great teacher, but engineers are not paid to do that because it doesn’t make money, so now I just make open source projects that I hope can be used to be examples to learn from. But I don’t think I’ll be remembered, as it seems technology nowadays is largely used as a means of swindling people out of their money so they can buy stuff they don’t need and makes them miserable.
Meh, I want to leave nothing behind. Live like I die, and no one is allowed in on it. A death just for me.
I want to leave no mark. May my flesh rot and become the earth, may my bones crumble to dust and become fertilizer, may my grave be unmarked and unknown except for the plants that feed upon me.
Legacy is for the ego and mine doesn’t exist. The world is a mess and it doesn’t need me tugging futilely on the wisps of strings I can barely reach, hoping to unravel a knot that others keep tying.
I’m glad you found joy, I am tired of people, and have nothing left to share.
That’s awesome and a great mentality and focus, bravo.
Man, fuck society’s outdated edicts - as long as you’re able to feed yourself, you’re doing amazing in my book.
What now? A lot of options still on the table, but here’s something to think about: one element of the whole fatherhood thing is passing down the knowledge you’ve gathered from all of this for your child’s benefit/enrichment. But you aren’t going to have kids, which is fine. So - are there any other means to share your knowledge/experience with the next generation? Preferably in meatspace?
I’m a certificated flight instructor.