First of all, I’m impressed you’re reaching out for other perspectives. It’s far too easy to get stuck with your thoughts beating down on yourself.

Something therapists often train you to ask is “are there external reasons for those thoughts?”, as thoughts come and go much of their own volition, that’s just how brains do. Sometimes there’s good reason for thoughts, a lot of the time it’s just “what-ifs”.

It sounds to me that there are multiple layers to your story. Saying you feel like you don’t deserve someone as well as the ruminating self doubt sounds over such a long time sounds like Major Depression. It’s a nasty thing that makes a lot of other things harder, medication and therapy usually make things easier so that you have the resources to affect whatever else you’d like to affect.

If medical attention isn’t available where you’re at, you’re still gonna have to adress those issues, it’s just going to be harder. You will need a way to get out of ruts, set strengthening habits, build and use a support network, and learn to manage the depression. Again, all to free up resources to address the rest.

A lot happens within us when we lose a partner, and even more when we survive one. Maybe some of the self doubt comes from that, maybe from how you were coping, maybe from feeling down for an extended time, maybe something else. Therapists are trained in talking through these things, but journalling and talking to friends can also help. One tool is to aim to understand your feelings and with compassion accept that you felt and did as best you could, you can easily find others.

As for the sexuality thing - depression does weird things both to self image, libido, and sexuality. I had a bit similar experience to your’s where I found no attraction or lust, but as I got better a lot came back (and some things changed).

On the off chance that it’s actually not just depression messing, I’ll mention that sexuality is a complex thing and it’s common to have thoughts and feelings about it, just as it changes and develops with time, people, situations, etc.

It’s entirely possible to be attracted and sexrepulsed, sometimes it’s helpful to split attraction for different aspects. You could be aesthetically attracted to someone who appeals on looks, or you could be romantically attracted to someone you’d like to court (or be courted by), beyond sexually attracted by someone you want to share bodyparts with you, some people will tick multiple attractions (including ones not mentioned here). With some forethought and clear communication, it’s entirely possible to build long term relationships around all combinations of these, and crucially without one or more of these.

I would agree that genitals are gross and weird, but then again I like doing stuff to them on people I’d like to share pleasure with. As someone else mentioned, I would never enjoy handling my own genitals the way others seem to enjoy immensely, and vice versa. Beyond basic hygiene (wash with water, let dry, keep clean of litter), that’s just how genitals are.

Then there’s also contrasts between being repulsed by the thought, not understanding, and not wanting to stimulate such genitals. All are valid, and with a little insight you might live happily with where you’re comfortable. If the thought of someone handling your genitals repulses you, maybe don’t do that and make sure to choose a partner that accepts that. If you don’t want to stimulate someone with similar genitals, you’re encouraged not to, it’s common enough to be called “straight”. If you don’t understand but you’re fine with someone enjoying your genitals, choose someone you enjoy enjoying you.

In the spirit of pride month you might have access to resources for the terms ace/asexual, aro/aromantic, gray/graysexual, RA/relationship anarchy, heterosexuality, situational sexuality, reproductive health.

Could it be vitamin D from the sun?

This actually.

Or against sexual violence. Which we honestly also could do away with.

Have borrowed a billion dollars.

You’re still viewing it from today’s perspective. We distinguish natural philosophy from chemistry, physics, etc. - they did not.

They did however call natural philosophy “Physics”. From their perspective all our fields fit under physics, except for applied science which fits under crafting (as natural philosophy devalued empiricism).

The Greek very much had a concept of Physics.

The word physics comes from the Latin physica (‘study of nature’), which itself is a borrowing of the Greek φυσική (phusikḗ ‘natural science’), a term derived from φύσις (phúsis ‘origin, nature, property’) (Wikipedia)

Also note that Aristotelian physics was the dominant paradigm in Europe almost until Newton.

There’s an argument to be had that engineering didn’t exist as a science until recently. Several of the more famous engineering treatises name it as crafting.

That’s very revisionist of you.

What we call physics today wouldn’t qualify as physics in Ancient Greece, where they described how the world actually works, and not bothering with this empiricism nonsense.

There are plenty of textbooks of physics before then, even predating Greece. Waterworks, astronomy, ship building, architecture, war machines, not to mention metaphysics, alchemy, atomic theory, etc.

We didn’t have a rigorous scientific method until thereabouts though.

You can say stupid on Lemmy

Yes, let’s go back to the company who’d sack me and loads of my colleagues on the whim that an untested notion of a tool might work.

I’m sure they’ll value me this time

What’s brown and sticky?

A stick

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“You are what you eat” the Blue Fairy’s wisdom echoed, as Pinocchios gaze turned towards the elementary school.

Haha, I like your funny words magic man

I only ever have my shit together just before pushing it out of my life.

What is pcmusic? Chiptunes?

The real shits we posted yesterday

I wouldn’t call it peacing out, there’s quite a lot of not-peace for that

There are factories in Europe as well, apply and you have more of a chance than if you don’t.

It’s also possible to attend higher education, or just visit for a prolonged time and try your hand at hospitality or anything really.

Lo, and behold, Australians are a more cultured society, with more diversity.

I see this as an excellent point in favor of the motion