• tetris11@lemmy.ml
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    15 hours ago

    Exactly. Move in slowly, wipe your feet, wind down your umbrella and give it a shake before putting it into the stand. Take off your coat and hang it on the hook. Stare at yourself in the hallway mirror with existential dread. Begin to hum the opening theme to Everybody was Kung-fu Fighting, and then finally cartwheel onto the sofa, let out a tension fart, and then remember that the house is on fire! At which point you exit immediately and spray the front of the house with a foam fire extinguisher until you feel relaxed enough to fall asleep in the driveway