• Ardycake@lemm.ee
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    2 days ago

    It’s funny, I has this exact scenario play out with a guy friend in college. It ruined our friendship. We were friends for maybe two years at that point and I was taken aback because I never saw him as anything but a friend and he even had a girlfriend at the time!

    After that exchange, he got so awkward the friendship fell apart. We still had classes together but he avoided me and I was not pressed to be near him, so we never saw each other again after that semester.

  • rekabis@lemmy.ca
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    3 days ago

    IME the vast majority of women have no clue how to react to being rejected, because it almost never happens to them. As such, nearly all react badly or maladaptively regardless of conditions.

    Conversely, for most men they have to endure rejection hundreds if not thousands of times before they strike it lucky. The small cohort that become maladaptive do so due to other social/societal reasons associated with the rejection, but vanishingly few react maladaptively purely because of the rejection.

    • ameancow@lemmy.world
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      2 days ago

      Tell that to the surprisingly large number of men who threaten fucking violence against a girl for not wanting to go out with them.

      I’m not saying you’re entirely wrong, but it’s not the only side of the story. Generally all people are really bad at handling emotions with other people, we need to make a stronger effort to turn these criticisms inward and figure out if our fears of other people are justified.

    • LotrOrc@lemmy.world
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      2 days ago

      You’re totally right there’s absolutely no evidence of a vast majority of women being physically attacked or assaulted after rejecting a man who couldn’t handle rejection…

      Also if you got a thousand rejections before getting one yes then that might be a huuuge reason to look at yourself and how you come across. Hundreds of thousands of rejections have to be because of the person themselves, not the hundreds or thousands of people rejecting them.

    • rolling@lemmy.world
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      2 days ago

      Bruh, who the fuck is being rejected “hundreds, if not thousands” times? Maybe some people are, but thats such a red flag that I would argue then maybe they should change their approach in the first place.

      Maybe you are exaggerating (it just makes you sound a bit like an incel, apologies), and I probably would argue men do get rejected more then woman, because men are still (mostly) expected to make the first move, but like you don’t need experience handling rejection to not have a violent rage fit.

      Edit: I have read another one of your replies down the chain, and uh yeah you definitely do sound a lot like an incel.

      • lightnsfw@reddthat.com
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        2 days ago

        Yea… I’m well into middle age and I’ve been rejected like a dozen or so times maybe. I’m not sure how you get rejected 100s or 1000s unless you’re just swinging at everyone in your vicinity that happens to have a vagina. Maybe try talking to them first and see if there’s some chemistry there before going for a date…

        • Cryophilia@lemmy.world
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          2 days ago

          I’m in my 30s and probably at over 100 rejections like, total in my life. I’ve never been looking for long term relationships so I do try with a larger number of women than most men. But like…hundreds of rejections between success? That’s absurd. You’d run out of women.

      • rekabis@lemmy.ca
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        2 days ago

        Our current western culture is one of violent misandry.

        Women are being released from almost all historical expectations and constraints, which is wonderful and good. This is actual progress in action, however lopsided and gender-supremacy-like it might be.

        Meanwhile, men are still constrained by all the historical expectations set out for them, yet have been completely stripped of all benefits that have traditionally accrued with those expectations being met. And yet, we are still being violently nailed to the wall - invariably by women ignoring and/or outright demeaning us - when we fail to meet those expectations.

        This massive asymmetry that men experience is what is creating subgroups of disaffected men. Because 1ncels don’t just leap out of the ground, fully formed – they are a direct response to the unintended consequences of women trying to eat their cake and to have it as well. Think about that next time women refuse to date down, or demand a “666 man”, or expect the man to pay on the first date, or any other archaic and gender-bigoted expectation.

        • Cryophilia@lemmy.world
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          2 days ago

          While I agree with you, I don’t think it’s fair to characterize all of society as misandrist based on that. There’s a significant number of things that you’re ignoring or are not privy to, where women are harmed by men. The patriarchy isn’t just this fantasy that feminists made up, it’s a real thing, and while not as powerful as it used to be it still harms women substantially.

          I think it’s fairer to say that some parts of our culture are misandrist, some misogynist. And on the whole, women have it worse - but men also have it pretty bad.

        • CancerMancer@sh.itjust.works
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          2 days ago

          Any man who has had the misfortune of finding out she didn’t actually want him to open up to her when she said “you never let me in!” understands this double-standard.

  • Xerxos@lemmy.ml
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    3 days ago

    Well, the female friend basically said ‘I am so hot anyone I want (for example you) would love to have me as a girlfriend’.

    By denying that, he denied her self worth.

    Of course, her stance doesn’t take into account things like personal preference or matching personalities.

    • bollybing@lemmynsfw.com
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      2 days ago

      Or a less generous read: ‘you’re not attractive enough to get with anyone as hot as me so you couldn’t turn me down’.

  • Skanky@lemmy.world
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    3 days ago

    The correct reply is…

    “There’s really only one way you could have me, and that is [describe whatever sort of sexual kink you’re into]. After that, I might consider it.”

  • latenightnoir@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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    4 days ago

    I don’t care if this makes me a bad person, I get such immense satisfaction from this kind of emotional blowout. It’s so fulfilling to see bona fide narcissists fail then go hysterical about it❤️

  • 5714@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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    4 days ago

    The core concept of the problem is not related to gender, it’s just that in societies highly differentiated by gender people have different means.

    Talk to male friend

    He randomly says if he wanted me he could have me

    I tell him no he couldn’t

    He gets really mad and says he could easily have me if he wanted to, practically has a fit of rage

    Changed pronouns exemplifies that that the core concept of this is that “having someone” is supposedly less about consent and more about compliance to standardised appearance (aka so-called “objective” beauty). If you have a lot of means (e.g. male or wealth privilege), this gets creepy real fast.

  • southsamurai@sh.itjust.works
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    4 days ago

    I mean, obviously fictitious and elatedly happy

    That being said, there really are people like that. I’ve been in that situation, and I’ve seen it happen plenty. Maybe not those exact words, but sometimes , yes “I could have you if I wanted”

    There really are people that are both so arrogant as to believe they’re that “good”, and so narcissistic that whether or not you’re interested doesn’t matter.

    Like, I’m not some kind of super studly dude. I’m big, and strong, but I’m also hairy, balding, have always had at least a little belly on me, wear glasses, and have a round face, so I don’t have those chiseled features that folks get wet over. But I do pretty damn good. My kind of look has a degree of popularity, and the mind inside the body makes it work. So this isn’t some kind of situation where everything is chasing me.

    That being said, it is really annoying how often some shitty excuse for a human being has assumed that I would just jump in the sack with them, much less anything more. And it isn’t even the stereotypical “hot babes” either. Just women that assume that because they have a pussy, a guy is going to fall into the damn thing. You kinda expect narcissism when someone is on the prowl, looking for hookups and arm candy. But when you’re at a casual dinner party, and they’re coming at you with that kind of thinking, it’s extra extra. I mean, it isn’t always women, but the women tend to be more insistent, and more about demeaning you than men are.

    When it’s guys, you make it clear you’re hetero, and it’s “oh, well then” and it almost always ends there, or with a simple “if you tried this, that might change”, and then they’re done.

    But the women that think that way? It’s like they pin their whole sense of self on the idea that they can have any guy, no matter what. And, if you aren’t the classically handsome dude, you’re insulting them by just refusing to agree that if they wanted you, they could. Like, motherfucker, you’re insulting me just by saying that you don’t want me, and you’re adding in the assumption that my dick is in control of me? GTFO.

    You know what’s funny though? Only ever had one stripper try that shit. Bounced gay bars and titty bars off and on for years. You’d think strippers would be more prone to that kind of thing than other professions. Not for me. I would get the whole “it’s a shame you’re such a good guy, I’d ruin you” here and there, bit that’s a whole different thing entirely.

    Ran into it most with nurses, but I worked in that field more than as a bouncer, so they’re disproportionately represented in the people I would have extended interactions with.

    I eventually learned to just say okay and walk away. That kind of thinking, there’s no point in arguing, and you can’t change the subject, so you just leave.

    • loaExMachina@sh.itjust.works
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      3 days ago

      I knew a woman who was absolutely certain she could have any guy easily. it’s true she was most attractive, but also super toxic, like she really had a history of driving her partners insane. Then she took interest in a rich boy who’d recently made some successful investment in timber trade. The dude in question was no stranger to toxicity either, he’d been quite the fuckboy. One guy almost beat him up over this once and everyone cheered, but they ended up becoming friends, and his new bestie really had a good influence on him, he’d become a pretty decent guy. Anyway, the toxic lady made advances on the ex-fuckboy and he said “No, don’t take it personally, I’d rather not be turned into a donkey or whatever it is you do to your boyfriends, thanks you.”

      But she did take it personally. Her old father owned quite the estate, including a very big, strong and aggressive bull. She unleashed it on the town to destroy the homes and devour the crops. The bull was also toxic, so no food would grow in its wake for seven years or something. But ex-fuckboi and his niceboi bff were very strong, so they killed the bull, and brought its carcass to toxic lady, as a sassy offering, which she didn’t appreciate.

    • KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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      3 days ago

      yes “I could have you if I wanted”

      i mean, in some twisted sense of the word, if they were a better/different person, they could have them.

  • OmegaLemmy@discuss.online
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    3 days ago

    I’m sure everyone has their own answer to this question but I would really like her to clarify, what do you mean ‘have me’?

  • ඞmir@lemmy.ml
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    3 days ago

    So many comments giving OP advice on how to get into a relationship with the girl. Has a single person here, at all, considered that maybe, just maybe, OP genuinely didn’t want a relationship with this girl…?

    I also think deflecting with “nah you couldn’t” would be funny in the right context. Follow it with a joke about increasing her powerlevel first and you’re good

      • Geetnerd@lemmy.world
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        4 days ago

        How dare you.

        Gay people don’t make up stories on the internet for attention.

            • chingadera@lemmy.world
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              4 days ago

              I was just goofin, I don’t have any sort of insight into that, I just saw gay and needed to add fake. It was important for dumb brain

              • Geetnerd@lemmy.world
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                4 days ago

                No problem. I do the same, sometimes I make a joke that falls flat, but sounded hilarious in my head.

                Have a good one, thanks for the thoughtful response.

        • lightnsfw@reddthat.com
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          3 days ago

          I’m not sure about that. One of the gay dudes on our discord is constantly making shit up stories based off crap he read on the internet he thinks the rest of us have somehow not seen already.