When I was a kid I told a Special Ed teacher who I trusted that one of the gym teachers was having sex with high school students and grooming girls as young as 14.
Rather than report this to the authorities he told the gym teacher what was said. The next day the gym teacher (who was a big former semi-pro football player or something like that) cornered me and intimidated me into shutting my mouth.
2 years later a former student confronted the gym teacher’s wife. In the fallout his behavior came to light and he left our school and went to teach a few towns over. The Special Ed teacher joked about it after the fact.
It was probably 20 years before I fully understood the scope of how disgusting that situation was.
Big props for you trying to get people involved though, most obviously did nothing.
My knife collection began because I was suicidal.
To keep myself around I got a bunch of knives so I wouldn’t pick a favorite and “dissapoint” the others.
…I got better.
Out of all the reasons/sotires I have heard about why people didnt kill themselves this is by far the most absurd.
You know, that is one of the most creative safety solutions I have heard. Glad you came up with it (probably due to still wanting to fight). The fight never stops, hope you are still doing well.
I have my moments, just like everyone else, but I have more good ones than bad ones. I do have a genuine love for knives though now, and still don’t have a favorite.
I keep seeing videos of a guy who buys TSA confiscated knives by weight & laughs at them for sucking, and I laugh harder because my angsty teenage self collected a lot of them back in the day.
I love this so much, is it that you have a lot of empathy?
Yep – It’s a gift & a curse.
I find it super easy to put myself in other people’s shoes and see what they’re going through, but I have a hard time expressing my own feelings. It’s turned me into a bit of a loner, but I do have a small circle of people I know & trust that I can be myself with.
I hear ya. I’m participating in a hiring panel and finding it really tough to reject candidates, especially when they’re nice. I just feel so much for them.
Hard not to start building a tough shell, take care of yourself
Suppose I have it similar, don’t remember when exactly I got into knives but was depressed since 14 so it correlates.
In a religious church/school I attended, we had a “revival” week in which kids took to destroying their “secular” CDs, etc. It became sort of a game of oneupmanship mixed with a dash of Satanic Panic. You could brag in chapel about it and get kudos, look good in front of everyone. One pre-teen/young teenage girl went home and put her Ouija board in a tub of gasoline and lit it. She barely survived, spent months in the hospital, and was never the same, obviously. The adults then comforted themselves by telling everyone that she had seen red eyes in the flames. It was for the best, you see, the Ouija board did indeed have a demon inside. After, she got really into Marilyn Manson, wearing all black, etc. so they cast her as the evil kid to feel even better, I guess.
The end.
Did I do it right? Did I do good?
That’s insane!
My lungs are 21 years older than I am. My new lungs were put in using a clamshell incision and arching my back… don’t look it up if you’re squeamish, it’s pretty scary looking
So if I undetstand the images I found correctly: They basically reloaded your lungs like a break action shotgun?
I’ve seen them, I worked in a CF clinic before. Yikes. Do they work?
So like a reverse blood eagle?
When I was younger, I believed that if a woman was raped, it was her fault for what she was wearing. My highschool friends called me the most unempathetic person they’d ever met and I was proud of that.
Thankfully I’ve turned right around on all that and learned empathy. I’m ashamed for my younger self, but I know they were just doing the best they could with the very few tools they were given.
I am in the same situation. “When I was a child I was the most unhinged asshole I know” is extremly common in this community and I have no clue why.
just a guess, but it could be because kids are dumb and we were all kids once trying to figure out the world with no experience. And then on top of that we tend to remember the cringe moments about ourselves even though those moments were likely an after thought to those around us.
Also, just guessing, there was a crappy role model or two.
I realized I was trans in middle school, i said something suicidal to my friend and he told on me. I never really talked to the therapists because my mom was very homophobic. I got put on antidepressants and suppressed my feelings so hard I can hardly remember my childhood.
5 years later my depression went into “full remission” couple of months before I came out. I then 180°d and got sent to the psych ward for suicide ideation this February.The only thing that stopped me from killing myself is the realization that my cat would be rubbing against my body for pets in the ~10 hours it would take for my family to find me. I was planning to buy a knife after work but broke down in the bathroom.
I’m glad you’re still here.
Every time I have ever gotten to that point (not for at least 6 years now), it’s been my pets that immediately pulled me back. When I lived alone, I left myself sticky notes in places I would see when I needed them that said things like “your pets love you unconditionally” and “you’re Maya’s (my dog at the time. She’s died of old age at 15 since then) whole world”
I’m glad you stayed.
Hey the moderator removed my reply. Well it’s a good thing he’s a moderator, otherwise he’d have to present a coherent argument in public like the rest of us instead of just censoring me.
I don’t know anything at all about the mods in this sub, nor what you said, so this isn’t a judgement of that mod at all. However…
I do share your frustration.
I get that mods don’t have time to enter arguments with commenters about their comments.
However, that dynamic does allow mods to just remove comments for ideological reasons, or their personal opinions.
When did reddit mods get on lemmy?
I think mods are the same everywhere.
Of course there are exceptions but the role attracts people who like the power and control.
I intentionally make up horrors and monsters to lurk in the shadows or under my bed. Sometimes when I can’t fall asleep, I stare at a corner of the room, imagining some unsettling creature that could be lurking there, staring back at me (if it has eyes at all). I imagine something reaching up to grab the leg I’m stick out over the edge.
But they can’t actually get me. They’re created, sustained and dispelled by my will. They may stare at me, reach for me, but they’re powerless. When I’m done with them, I send them back to the half-existence in the collection of ideas I built them from.
It’s a cruel power fantasy, to make up monsters incapable of understanding that they’re the lesser horror between us, but it’s fun.
It also seems to help me sleep, but that might just be the fact that focusing my brain on one thing quiets all the background noise.
youre fucked if a tulpa materializes!
Similarly, the lines painted at the bottom of the pool became sharks when I jumped off the diving board as a child.
I never once really thought that sharks had somehow been smuggled into a shit little public pool, but that hammer head was real as hell until I’d crawled my way to the exit ladder.
Kinda fucked up, tbh. But I’m really impressed cuz I probably wouldn’t have the guts to do this
Covid probably saved my life.
I got bullied for about 5-6 years in school which ultimatively led to me just wanting to kill myself. Luckily for me the lockdown came so I got freed from the nightmare called school. My will to live devinetively improved, when not getting bullied the whole time you are sitting in class. However, when being in the lockdown I devinetively didnt process my feelings and thoughts about how I wanted to end myself. This led to me having almost a fill scale emotional breakdown mid class when school started, since we have been reading a play where someone killed himself and therefore learned stuff about the whole topic of suicide/mental health. Suddenly you realise, that all this shit kind of sounds very familiar for you which was quite overwhelming, but you can’t let anyone see whats happening because that shit devinetively is going to get you bullied again. I never talked to a therapist about this and at this point it isn’t needed, since I just went on and processed that time of my life for myself. I also kind of realised some time ago, that I also never told my family about this, but it isn’t really relevant anymore and us just going to cause feelings of guilt in them for not acting.
Therapy might still be a good idea in the future, trauma can show up in quite unexpected forms.
I’m really glad you’re doing better!
I’m glad you’re better now, but like the other commenter said: This trauma can come back in unexpected ways and it’d be a good idea to prepare yourself for when that happens.
Just to make this clear. I have completely dealt with all the shit I went through during that time and I have completely processed everything. I have accepted it as a part of my history and I Am completely fine with it. Theres nothing left to talk about in order to learn something about myself that I dont already know. I seriously dont see a single point where this is ever going to cause any problems in my future life.
I kicked a decrepit german shepard to death.
WHY?!
Wasn’t my fault really, the owner had trained his dog to be aggressive and I was deathly afraid of dogs. The animal escaped the leash and charged me, I don’t know if it would have bitten me, but I instinctively kicked it in the face… I’m an extremely overweight guy and was scared shitless, that’s propably why my leg had some serious power behind it, so I kicked that poor puppies snout straight into its braincase.
Still have nightmares of that day. Good news is: I have sinced learned to be less afraid and love dogs now. I even regularly put my hand down the throat of a huge japanese Akita Inu who loves me to death and pull on his teeth in play.
Theres a lot of shitty dog owners out there. Also, glad you’re able to work through the phobia.
Good on you, it’s the owners fault. I really hate most dog owners, they just let their dogs off the leash and let them come up to you, not giving a shit whether the person is afraid of dogs or not or basically taking the risk for someone else.
Since having a daughter every time I’m out and there’s dogs I hate having to imagine how I’d save her from an attack and how I’d either have to try killing it or escaping.
They have the audacity to say “don’t worry they won’t harm her” when I pick my daughter up to stop them getting near. “No fuck you and leash your dog”
What makes you think he’s talking about a dog?
The “Why?” is a spoiler, i didn’t realize it at first too, just was bold text in voyager.
And you are right, ir also could have been a decrepit german with the name shepard lol
Or a shepherd that’s an elderly German man I guess lol
A bit over a decade ago, I was motorcycle camping on a solo trip down the US West coast. Being a bit on the cheap side and preferring wilderness, I decided to make use of the Bureau of Land Management camp sites, where possible. They are free, somewhat remote and quiet (no hookups for RVs or any of that), which I really appreciate.
While heading South through Northern California, I stopped at the one near Ukiah, had a quick dinner, and went to sleep in my 2-person tent that I had been using for the trip. For some reason, I had my laptop out - maybe trying to look at some helmet cam footage. And, when I went to sleep, I was lazy and just suspended it, leaving its power LEDs slowly blinking.
I was awoken in the middle of the night by an animal rather forcefully trying to get through the side of my tent. I shouted and banged on the handle of my hatchet (hollow, glass-filled nylon, so it could be used to make rather significant noise). The animal took off, rather loudly through the brush near the camp site. My laptop, with blinking LEDs was right next to the wall of the tent where my “visitor” had been trying to gain entrance. So, I completely shutdown the laptop, ensuring that there was no blinking and failed to get any more meaningful sleep.
The next morning, once it was light out, I warily looked outside my tent to be sure that my “visitor” wasn’t waiting for me. Then, surveyed the site with hatchet in hand and heavy sheath knife on my belt (Morakniv Companion - highly recommended in carbon steel as it’s a great knife and still somehow cheap). All around the picnic table where I had cooked my curried lentil dinner were the large and unmistakable tracks of my large feline “visitor”. Not wanting to stick around in case the mountain lion decided to come by to investigate some more, I quickly broke camp and made my way back to the road, skipping my planned breakfast for diner food.
As one can reasonably expect from this experience, I camped at the same campground on my way back North and return there to camp fairly regularly.
Least you didnt meet one of the anderson valley serial killers. This area is a hotbed of em.
Well maybe not a decade ago but who knows.
Fuck me. Yeah… Just looked a bit of it up. There has been a dude in a beater pickup truck (may be a different guy but seemed to be in the same spot, on the other side of the campground) about every other time I’d been up there but, I figured he was likely either living out of his truck or an outdoors enthusiast.
I do a band count before I start peeing into the toilet….
“A-one, a-two, a-one-two-three-four!” peeeeeeeeeeeee
I then usually start singing a tv show theme song like Happy Days as I keep the flow going. Disturbed yet?
In the same year I put my head through a plate glass window (to a shocking lack of injury) I also attempted to lift an engine block off a cherry picker… WITH MY HEAD… to hilarious results.
Well the TBI, seizures and utter disregard of my mother to the suggestion of a neurosurgeon that I needed surgery to relieve swelling at the injury site weren’t too funny. The latter is my favorite as she ‘treated’ me with nightmarish vegetable smoothies consisting of spinach and not much else.
I still hate spinach. And it’s been 47 years.
I spend time on google maps just browsing, learning where different places are in the world.
One time someone put a blurred out map showing their location and I knew exactly where they were.
I promise never to use this power for evil.
Found Rainbolt’s Lemmy account
Have you ever tried geoguesser?
Just wanted to shout out the seterra quiz section that’s on their site too. They have a bunch of other well put together geography games besides the street view game. I’m addicted to the ‘220+ countries and territories’ one, even though I still only get like 70-80%. Eventually ill learn all those islands.
I’m 99% sure I know my killer is me… eventually as my spine falls apart and suffering massively increases with time. And I’m okay with that so long as it is my choice. When people talk about suicide, I strongly believe in the saying, “no permanent solutions for temporary problems.” But I strongly believe in this saying from both perspectives, aka “permanent solutions are your personal choice that I fully respect as an unalienable human right, if you choose, due to permanent problems.” Anyone trying to steal such an unalienable human right from another is exceptionally ignorant of the magnitude of potential suffering and is criminally sadistic as far as I’m concerned.
Honestly I can’t refute that. Thankfully, euthanisation is legal in some countries (The Netherlands & Switzerland) but many countries need to catch up to it. I’m sorry that you are going through what you are going through, and I hope that you will be able to go on your terms rather than your illness’ terms
For serious. The story of Hisashi Ouchi should be enough to convince anyone with an ounce of heart that assisted suicide needs to be a human right. Kept alive for 83 days when he was begging to be put down while he was conscious. His cells literally did not have any more valid DNA. He was a dead man being kept alive, because his family refused to allow the doctors to pull the plug.
Insane, inhuman torture because your own family cannot let you go… Such absolute selfish insanity from them.
I think AI will just cure that…if you have the money.
