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Holy shit this is the most accurate metaphorical depiction of modern Christians I’ve ever seen.
Fun fact there’s a guy in my area who drags around a cross made of recycled oak pieces (bits of old furniture cut and glued together) every Easter. Apparently he made it out of raw spite about performative and hypocritical Christians, he is mildly insane and was not even vaguely phased by my crazed neo pagan schtick so take of that as you will.
I am a little curious about your crazed Neo Pagan schtick.
I was thinking about a full paegan one…
Not much to say about it, I just make batshit insane statements that wouldn’t be out of place in viking themed RPG. Shit like “The Norns must hate you for our fates to cross” and “Thine flesh will make a fine sacrifice to the many named god” note I usually avoid saying Odin since he is still so relevant to pop culture as to be effectively stripped of any erieness same with Thor, so I go down the borderline Lovecraft route of names and titles or I just use lesser known ones like Godin which I think is the Lombard version.
But it’s so heavy though.
It’s probably made out of balsa wood
I’m guessing Papier-mâché
Some go further and abuse it (riding on a notorized cross)
If the cross is notarized, does that mean you have to sign for it?
It is carried by twelve slaves, so you have to command them and this privilege is obviously forged every so often
Forged you say, that’s ironic.
It’s a perfect metaphor for the performative Christianity they love: all show, no effort
He’s wearing a suit for fuck sakes.
You’re telling me they didn’t even nail him to it after?
We’re nailing him to it figuratively at least
Well the entire thing was an insult to whoever wrote Matthew 6:5. Which is a proud Christian tradition, but Americans take it a whole new level.
Yes I wonder who wrote Matthew 6:5, if only there was some sort of a hint.
Honestly I’m surprised there aren’t more sects that explicitly reject Matthew by now. It’s the one that has the bulk of the “don’t be a dick” instructions.
Most of them seem to prefer John which can more easily be twisted into “if you’re a Christian you’re a winner and better than everyone who isn’t, no need to worry about the details, you’re already on the list”
The traditional attribution of Gospels to their namesakes may not be entirely accurate – it’s plausible that it may incorporate material actually written by the Apostle Matthew, but also seems to lean on Mark and shares literary elements with Luke. There’s a whole scholarly debate on it, called the Synoptic Problem.
For all we know, the author might have been someone else drawing both on the teachings of the Apostle Matthew and the works of prior writers, or entirely based on different works and simply attributed it to Matthew. Hence, “whoever wrote” is probably the safest attribution possible.
If they’re too lazy to even perform during their performative gestures, what’s the fucking point?!
They should just send a guy out there wearing a life size replica of Charlie Kirks head like a theme park mascot yelling “OBEY” followed by whatever they want their cult to do/feel/etc.
American style Christianity described in one image.
False. The cross is not self propelled with a $20 a month subscription.
With a black guy already nailed to it.
Needs a sponsorship. I like the sound of the Fanduel Cross to Bear.
A Nascar logo, the latest shit coin, and Grifters Big Dick Protein Powder.
Welp, that gif is retired now.
Arrived from the heavens, died for our sins, but in the third season he was resurrected.
Yup. American Evangelism summed up in one picture.
It’s practically a motto: “Optics, not substance.”
You can only miss the point if you ever aimed at it.
Jesus after seeing this pic:
And that even though people kept telling him: Jesus, take the wheel!
Nowhere in the bible is explicitly written, that Jesus didn’t think of that. Might have had wheels for all we know. Maybe he just skipped gym and was weak af. Or had the wrong wheels for the terrain ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Wrong
Matthew 4:20:69
“And lo, Jesus tried to explain that the cross would be much easier to carry if it has wheels yet the Roman said ‘lol, lmao’”
Skipped the gym? Not the Christ depicted in so many churches where he looks like an Olympic gymnast, 6 pack and all.
9 pack, he had an extra ab, like Batman.
why didn’t Jesus think of that? Was he stupid?
Jesus would have survived crucifixion if he’d tried harder
On the other hand, I think he nailed it.
What are you talking about, he did survive it, though he slept for 3 days before going to say bye to his friends then goy the fuck out of there before the sick fucks tried again. He then went to Scandinavia where he taught the people to mostly be cool, but, worried about another backlash, told them that maybe one day they can raid and pillage every now and then as a treat.
The thought must’ve crossed his mind, just to fuck with the mortals.
As God, Jesus wouldn’t have died unless he wanted to. Jesus committed suicide by Roman(s).
You are correct if one were to assume the contents of the bible are an accurate representation of history; it’s mentioned several times during the passion. Effectively Jesus, being God, could have just noped out or gone Old Testament or whatever. He specifically talked about that in the garden of Gethsemane basically saying he knows what’s going to happen and is doing so voluntarily.
They didn’t have the wheel in the bronze age 🙃
Anyone giving these donkeys money deserves to be parted with it, unfortunately.
Pretty sure I heard a parable/fable/story about some
assholeimpious person doing something like this back during catholic catechismYeah what a pussy, this Showboat wants to look like he is respecting Jesus’s burden, that has little wheels on his crucifix? What a pussy. Fuck this guy.
Turns out following the teachings of Jesus Christ and being a good person are too difficult for most Christians.
I don’t care who this asshole is, but whoever it is, one phrase comes to mind,
Fake christian, fake as A.I.
